What an Apology Should Actually Look Like

by Tiffany | August 2, 2022 9:41 pm

This actually came up a few times for me in the last few months, most recently with my friend from high school about her nephew, and especially with the ending scene in Strike Back the second part of the season finale of Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Cat Noir. (Note this post will contain spoilers for season 4 of Miraculous.) Mostly with the comments from the fandom about it, and their lack of understanding what it really meant. This subject so to speak is really one I have been thinking about for at least a few years consciously, it’s just when you get a lot of fake apologies you start to figure out what it should be.

About my friend and her nephew, because I watch her two daughters and two nephews a lot, and I love these kids they are sweethearts but they are still children. So, you know when tell kids something you have to repeat yourself a million times, and they still need repeating. It’s just the generally normal stuff at their age, don’t back talk, don’t yell, don’t be disrespectful, etc. So you know the typical things, for their ages. This is something my friend and I talked about, because these are good kids, they are just at that age but you can’t do something and then apology for it but continue to make the choices that keep you in trouble.

Interestingly enough the one nephew did apology and seems to be actively checking himself for his backtalk and disrespect, it does still come back, but I appreciate that he is trying. Like after that one where I sent him to his room and he wrote be an apology note, then I talked to my friend about it. (timeline over haha) That note was a better apology than I got from other adults in my life, it was well written, he took accountability, he took responsibility, and he knew why he was punished. Then after he was better so, it was in a way full circle. I also respect them for admitting he was wrong, and making a proper apology which is something a lot of people suck at.

When the second part of the Miraculous finale of season four Strike Back. I’m just going to quickly describe then end of the episode. So Ladybug, thought she was giving the Miraculous of the dog to her crush Adrien (who is also Cat Noir but they don’t know each other’s identity because it would be too dangerous), she thought that he would be a safe choice because she didn’t believe that he was hit by the akumatized victim/villain Risk. However he was hit, and she did gave it to his identical cousin Felix who was pretending to be him. Felix uses this opportunity to steal all Miraculouses and give them to his uncle who is Shadow Moth in exchange for the butterfly Miraculous.

So, after Ladybug is upset and crying on top of the Jardins du Trocadéro when Shadow Moth mocks Ladybug and tells everyone she lost. Which upsets her even more, and she mentions that she lost everything. At this point Cat Noir had already knew because he watched her have a panic attack as his civilian as the Miraculouses were stolen. Cat Noir tells her that she had lost him. She at this point apologizes to him, but also mentions that he should have given up on her. In the end he picks her up and promises that they will get all the Miraculouses back.

So, the fandom especially more of the toxic side that likes to bash the main character Ladybug because basically she dares to be a girl. For a show geared more towards young girls, there sure are a lot of adult men who hate women in it. So, in Ladybug’s apology she never actually said the words “I’m sorry.” Which is by far the least important part of an apology anyways. Especially when most people say ‘I’m sorry’ they aren’t actually apologizing they are just pretending like they are anyways. So, because they said she didn’t use those words, they think it makes her apology invalid, which is bullshit.

This is a direct quote of her apology.

“Why don’t you just give up on me? I lost all the Miraculous, I’m the worst Guardian ever! I wanted to control everything, I didn’t listen to you, I lied to you, I kept you at a distance! Every time you offered me a helping hand, I never took it! I really made a mess of everything!”

Why is this a good apology, she admitted to fault with out blaming anyone else, she took accountability, she took responsibility, she didn’t make excuses, she showed obvious regret, being emotional, and knowing exactly why she had to say this to Cat Noir. The only thing that can make it better is that she changes, and follows through (which hello come on season 5 be faster), but that can’t be known at the time.

One thing I am big on is not accepting fake apologies, but that is I would ever accept a person’s apology, because their are so many things that can’t be forgiven. I have gotten a lot of bad apologies, and if there is something about not being in my 20’s anymore is I won’t accept that, I deserve better, and so does do you. I’m not going to show any examples of this, I don’t find that constructive, or helpful, and the point of this is not to point anyone out.

What I will talk about is what is not a good apology, or what is a narcissist’s apology. There is blaming someone else for what the person who is suppose to be apologizing did, there is saying I’m sorry but/if (that but means you not apologizing and I can stop listening), There is the I’m sorry but you (again not an apology), The I apology, where they person apologizing makes it all about them and not about what they did to you, only saying I’m sorry (because those words don’t mean much), and apologizing without knowing why they are sorry. A good apology take accountability, responsibility, they show regret and emotion, they know what they did was wrong and why, and they don’t blame anyone or anything else.

What made me really want to make this post was a 13 year gave me probably the best apology I ever had, when I’ve never got that from an adult, and it makes you think like damn. But, I guess I wouldn’t call a lot of what I gotten apologies either to be honest. So, when is the last time you gotten a real or fake apology? Let me know.

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