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by • 01/28/2020 • (7) Comments • in Blogging

And this is so sad because we use to be so close and we have known each other for a long time and I don’t feel like I know you anymore. I feel like we have shared so much, and now I am not sure if I can trust talking to you because I don’t know who I am talking too. I know that they say that everyone grows and changes, but you didn’t grow and you most definitely changed but I wouldn’t say for the better.

You use to be so strong, brave, independent, and open-mind. You fought for rights, you stood up for what was right, and now you are a shell. You define yourself by your husband who is bigot, why are you his clone? You are the opposite of who you use to be and it kills me because I feel like you lost yourself in a marriage that isn’t good or beneficial for you. He never did anything for you but push his bad beliefs, his closed-mindedness, and anything he was into. When did he ever choose you? When he ever care about what you were into? When did he do something because you wanted to? When did not make fun of the things that you liked? Never to all of the above. Why chain yourself and become someone who would never do the same for you?

I just feel like my friend is no longer here, her name is but the beautiful personality, and strong woman who was such a great friend is not. She just feels like is a mary-sue or OOC. Where did she go? Why did she leave? Can she come back? Because anytime I’ve talked to her recently I feel like I am talking to a stranger, and it makes me want to cry. I just feel like a lot of the people in my life have changed for the worst, and now you are one of them.

Brainwashed Stepford wife is what I would use to describe you, and you let your husband do this to you. Like, I’ve always hoped that when people change that they would also grow and that they would become better people not worse. Unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way. I remember when someone told us exactly who he was, and I wish that believed them because they were right, and I wish you listened too. He was the kind of person who dogged other people for being different, was sexist and hated women, and I wish we all seen it earlier. Now, he discriminates against women, people of color, and trans plus much more. Why are you with someone who brings you down with him?

I see you now, and you still don’t get to do any of your hobbies, you don’t seem like you are even allowed to talk about the things you are interested in, I only see you go to his hobbies, and you support the things that he is into, but never the other way around. I’ve always thought that marriage was supposed to be an equal partnership not 100% him, and zero you. I never thought that marriage was about assimilating into your husband and losing yourself. I mean if I am wrong about marriage than let me know.

I just miss my friend, what happened to her?


I am a millennial female and proud of it! From the state that's called the armpit of the south and the sunshine state. I'm a wannabe writer and artist, who likes blogging, and anything DYI. Is fandom trash and lives to ship fictional characters together. Favorite fruit is lemon, loves veggie sushi, and I am always carb loading.

"We are all earthlings." -Joaquin Phoenix (Earthlings, 2005)

Comments (7) »

Mica - January 30, 2020 @ 6:47 am

How sad 🙁 i hope your friend is okay – it’s not a good sign if her husband does not let her have her own life and hobbies!

Shannon - February 1, 2020 @ 2:47 pm

I have a friend who is just like this. We were so close. Then she got married and it all changed. It seems like she just adopted whatever thoughts, hobbies, and interests that her husband has and although she seems to be happy, I wonder where my friend has gone. That’s the truly messed up thing about partnering, sometimes people lose their individuality. I was a victim of it once when I was younger but when the relationship ended and I looked back, I was embarrassed at myself that I had even gotten to that point. I’d never done it again. The crazy part is that when you cling to your individuality, finding a suitable partner who accepts your individuality can be difficult. It seems to me that these days people are more into controlling their partners than genuinely loving them.

glowsteady - February 2, 2020 @ 10:34 am

It’s awful when these situations happen. I hope she’s okay, it doesn’t sound like she’s in the greatest place either if he’s not letting her do things x

Kenny - February 2, 2020 @ 11:49 am

It’s unfortunate when this happens. The only thing you can do is wait and see what happens.

I have seen people in my life fade away in a similar manner. It’s like they get into a relationship and suddenly their thoughts, their choices, their life is no longer theirs. Instead, they are willing to change themselves if necessary in order to ‘become’ who they feel that they need to be to keep their relationship and that shouldn’t be the case. Find someone that loves you for who YOU are as a person, not who they can turn you into.

Kinga K. - February 3, 2020 @ 6:35 pm

So sad :/

Kirsten - February 9, 2020 @ 9:29 pm

It’s hard watching a friend change like that, to become a shell of their former self. I have watched this happen too many times and vowed I would never let anyone do that to me but I did. I let an ex control me and turn me into who he wanted to be and control my life, who my friends were, who I spoke to and what I did. I am glad to say I have been out of the situation for years and years but it’s hard from both ends. Being that person as well as watching it happen to that person. I am so so sorry about your friend. I am sorry it is hurting you. It is really sad and I hope she is okay and I really hope you are okay.

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