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by • 04/16/2019 • (8) Comments • in Rant

I think one of the worst things about having a friendly personality is that people for some reason equal friendliness to flirting. This happened a lot when I worked at the convenience store, and the sad part I was literally paid to be nice to people, and it’s against the rules to flirt anyway. For some reason, a lot of people think it’s because the world is an unfriendly place and that being nice is somehow rare, and that is an excuse that people use, and I don’t think that is true. A lot of people are nice in this world and it’s not rare, this also makes it sound like women are only nice to men that they are attracted to, which to me is a really gross statement.

I just don’t like to spend the energy being “mean” or guarded with people but I found that is something that I have to do and not be as nice to everyone, because being just plain nice gets unwanted attention and is called something that is not. It sucks because as a woman this is something that we have to be aware of being too nice, being too mean, because they both get unwanted attention from men and other women, and it sucks because it shouldn’t be that way all. But it is.

The sad part is if I was actually interested in a guy they would probably never know because I really am shy like that, thank god I am not. I’m not a bold or flirty person at all so, that is a no. I would personally would rather someone ask if I was interested because like most women I don’t play games I’m not a child, I will tell you the truth. Don’t assume I am interested and then make someone’s assumption my problem. I wish those people didn’t make me uncomfortable for their assumptions. I’ve had men especially at work (customers mostly) ask me out like they knew I would say yes (obviously it a no), or hand me their number (I said no thank you), and various different things of that sort.

All of that makes me think of the women who got killed for saying no, and which is one of the reasons I’ve toned down my friendliness and niceness because I don’t want to be put into that position, not only is it uncomfortable, I feel unsafe saying no to men now, but I still refuse to lie about how I feel. I understand why women do though, but that doesn’t mean they are playing games because they aren’t, they are just keeping themselves safe.

Being friendly is something that men and women do every day and yet men don’t think that other men are flirting when the same actions are performed by them, yet when women do it is flirting? That doesn’t make sense, it means that a lot of men believe women are always flirting, and that friendliness in the case of women equals flirting. Which is ridiculous.

It sucks because I can’t be me fully because I have to worry about this.

*I made the footer mobile responsive because I was able to figure out how to code it 🙂

Tiffany

I am a millennial female and proud of it! From the state that's called the armpit of the south and the sunshine state. I'm a wannabe writer and artist, who likes blogging, and anything DYI. Is fandom trash and lives to ship fictional characters together. Favorite fruit is lemon, loves veggie sushi, and I am always carb loading.

"We are all earthlings." -Joaquin Phoenix (Earthlings, 2005)

Comments (8) »

Rach - April 16, 2019 @ 7:37 pm

Hey Tiffany. I think you summed it up about FLIRTING really well. I attend to be nice to guys but only to a certain extent. Some men actually are nice back, lol! But good blog post! 🙂

Soph - April 18, 2019 @ 5:16 pm

I love this post and completely relate! It’s got to a point that I question whether I should even bother being nice because people often take it in the wrong way. Such a shame but thank you for speaking about your experience!
Soph – https://sophhearts.com x

Sophie - April 18, 2019 @ 6:21 pm

Going to be really honest here, maybe this is just where I live, but I’m genuinely really surprised when people who work in convenience stores and places like that are nice. It’s not something I encounter daily for sure. As much as I don’t automatically assume it’s flirtatious, I can easily see how others can make that mistake. I did laugh a little when you said if you were flirting no one would know because you get so shy, I’m exactly the same!! Such a shame that people have made you feel this way! x

Sophie
http://www.glowsteady.co.uk

Lovely - April 20, 2019 @ 3:14 am

Great post Tiffany, I know what you mean, I get that too! Enjoyed reading your post as always.

xoxo
Lovely
http://www.mynameislovely.com

Nancy - April 21, 2019 @ 1:07 am

I agree with you about how being friendly is not flirting. I mean, if this is the case, are you supposed to be an all-around jerk? It’s ridiculous how people are taking nice gestures where they think someone wants more. It’s disgusting that men can’t take no sometimes. I’ve been in situations where I have to put on a mean personality so men don’t take things the wrong way.

Nancy ♥ exquisitely.me

Michelle - April 22, 2019 @ 5:56 am

I got it all the time when I was working-it is just how I am but it doesn’t mean that I want to flirt with anyone. I hate that, really, and that’s why I’ve decided then to make myself looks unattractive as possible for men and hopefully that works.

It’s just that men feel entitled to women and it makes me distrustful of anyone male even in my own family, except my husband. I don’t think saying no will help either just because of the consequences of it that I read and that’s probably why I hate being a woman, just trapped or at least feminine looking.

Kirsten - April 22, 2019 @ 9:01 am

“I feel unsafe saying no to men now”

That part scares me but it’s a reality I think a lot of women face, that they are too scared to say no. That they feel unsafe in certain social situations or at work which should never happen but does all the time.

This post stood out with me because my husband used to work for a convenience store in the city before we moved here and now he works in a department store but up at the front. I used to get on his case about being overly friendly with people but at the same time, he had been there for more than 15 years in that store. It struck me when reading this post that he actually said to me once “I’m a guy. I don’t have to worry so much about those things” but it bothered him that the women who worked with did.

He always feared for their safety but never his own so much. Other then robberies but he was not afraid to walk home at 12 am from work but we were always uncomfortable when one of the girls said they had to walk home. We both told them that if they ever got in that situation not to leave, to call us and I would come to get them and take them home (hubby didn’t drive). Maybe that’s sexist of us but you kind of had to be in order to ensure their safety and we weren’t even the managers, he was just a long-time employee. But it was like that with any of the people that worked there.

I never wanted any of the younger kids walking home alone and would go take them myself if their parents didn’t have brains enough to pick them up. You are right though about friendly not being flirting. Lots of people just assume women are flirting when they are being friendly but honestly we probably aren’t being flirty, just nice.

Alaina - April 22, 2019 @ 11:36 am

I struggle with this, too. It’s good to have this awareness, although it is a frustrating aspect of humanity. I try to be as neutral as possible these days because I’ll keep myself up at night with anxiety over menial things said or unsaid

Also-thats awesome you figured out how to code your footer to be responsive!!

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