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by • 05/22/2019 • (6) Comments • in Activism

On my friends list fairly recently a few of the people on my friends list mostly old Navy contacts and some from my hometown (So, it’s no surprise) have been criticizing toxic masculinity. The general consensus is that they feel like it’s an attack on men, which is very untrue of course, and anyone who can read a definition would be able to easily understand that. These are all people that I have unfollowed on facebook because I don’t need the stress, ignorance, or that in my life, so for a month or two I haven’t seen those post in my feed, hallelujah. The bigs critics are those who don’t even know what it is and to be honest I just don’t get it.

First of all, masculinity has nothing to do with men or gender, women can be masculine, I have masculine traits, and there is nothing wrong with that. That is because masculinity is not the problem, and while most men either are masculine or have masculine traits men aren’t the problem, toxic masculinity is.

I use to try and educate others about issues like this, and honestly I still will if I know they will listen and choose to use the experience to grow, but a lot of people won’t so I stopped because it takes a toll when others are fast to the attack and I’ve found that ignoring or unfollowing is better for my mental health. Some people are just beyond educating, which is really sad to me. Especially, since I never use to like to feel like I was giving up and that is what this use to feel like, and now I know that I am not because in order to give up the other person can still be helped and the people I choose not to engage with now can’t really be. I think my mental is more of a priority now than it was before, but that was also because I didn’t realize that I could prioritize it.

What is funny but mostly sad is that one of the biggest criticisms about toxic masculinity is the name, the same criticism that terms feminism and white/male privilege gets. That to me isn’t a valid, those who don’t like the term that is just an ego problem on them and not anything to do with this. The same people who say that it also says that it’s an attack on them, for being manly or masculine, and that is just ignorance. They think that any criticism on men or masculinity, in general, is an attack on them even if it has nothing to do with them at all. I found that a good bit of the people that I at least know are not people who perpetrate those toxic traits, so it’s even sadder that they refuse to see this for what it is, the truth of it.

One of the other biggest criticisms is that it’s an attack on men when that is simply false. I think some would rather choose to keep perpetuating a false belief than to see the truth, I think it makes some people feel better about themselves to “believe” it. One of the things that I have heard what that men and manly traits are under attack and those manly traits were valor, honor, chivalry, and leadership. Which is hilarious to me! None of those are manly traits or masculine ones, those are human ones, and they aren’t toxic ones either.

Another criticism is that critics say that there are two different definitions of what toxic masculinity is, the conservative one and the liberal one, which is false because there is only one, and that is the one generally most liberals believe. The other one is ignorance. I think that people who say that there are two meanings are just people who refuse to see toxic masculinity for what it is.

What I don’t understand about this is if those who believe that their masculinity is positive then why do they care about the criticism of the toxic parts? Why is criticizing negative traits linked with male behavior, reinforced by a society a bad thing?

My point with this is that the critics of toxic masculinity do not have any valid criticisms of it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


I am a millennial female and proud of it! From the state that's called the armpit of the south and the sunshine state. I'm a wannabe writer and artist, who likes blogging, and anything DYI. Is fandom trash and lives to ship fictional characters together. Favorite fruit is lemon, loves veggie sushi, and I am always carb loading.

"We are all earthlings." -Joaquin Phoenix (Earthlings, 2005)

Comments (6) »

Lucien - May 23, 2019 @ 12:59 pm

Of course they don’t have valid criticism, the only ones who critic toxic masculinity are living examples of it.

Michelle - May 24, 2019 @ 1:18 pm

They really don’t.

Anya Dryagina - May 25, 2019 @ 10:43 pm

Hello, thanks for the information.
Have a nice Sunday!

ThatAutisticFitChick - May 27, 2019 @ 5:26 pm

So many people don’t understand privilege or don’t want to admit to having privilege (either because they confuse it with entitlement or because they feel it diminishes their own struggle, I don’t know). I find it is the same with toxic masculinity. That people don’t understand it’s small things like teaching boys that it’s not ‘manly’ to cry builds up and snowballs into this thing as they age.

Absolutely prioritise your own mental health over trying to educate those who refuse to listen though 🙂

Nancy - May 27, 2019 @ 9:38 pm

I hate toxic masculinity, then again who loves it?? This whole mansplaining thing is ridiculous – us women have the full ability to understand something without being talked down to. I think men need to be able to watch their boundaries and if they’re being criticized, take the feedback and either work on themselves or let it slide.

kiki | soyvirgo.com - June 3, 2019 @ 2:26 pm

I completely agree with everything you have said. I always try to see if I’m dealing with any toxic masculinity in my every day life and I’m really lucky I don’t I always see it in others though. For example my mom gets so mad at my brothers gf’s because neither of them cook for my bros. But it’s like, women aren’t put on this earth to clean for your babies, mom! LOL So yeah I guess I see the toxic mascuinity in my moms behavior?? Maybe it’s just her stereotyping the womens “roles” as her sons’ girlfriends.

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